The Youth Vote

So, the New Hampshire State Legislature has put forth bills that would, in effect, cripple the ability of Youth to vote in the towns where they are attending college (Hiya, guys, have you ever tried to vote absentee in a small college town where no one is from the state you are?  It's a bitch, I tell ya).  Speaker William O'Brien believes this is justifiable because the youth are young.  And young people lack life experience.  And lacking life experience makes us foolish.  And our foolish ways make us vote liberal because that's what all the other young people are doing.

Democrats, voting rights groups and young people (even the rare young republican) were not amused.

O'Brien has since clarified.  His problem with the New Hampshire voting law is not that young people are foolish, it is that they are part of a mass liberal conspiracy of election fraud.  Allowing them to vote in their college towns potentially allows them two votes!  One in town and one absentee!  And O'Brien is willing to fight the good fight to ensure one man (one assumes he left the 'white, landholding' out by mistake), one vote principle is upheld.  No matter what the cost!

Speaker O'Brien, I am confused.  Am I a foolish youth who stupidly votes liberal because all the other kids are doing it and I lack the life experience to know any better?  Or am I a brilliant fiend who is managing to commit mass voter fraud with enough life experience not to get caught despite all your attempt to sniff me out and am voting liberal simply for the joy of seeing the republican party destroyed?  I don't think I can be both.

Of course you know, this means war #WIUnion

Or would, if our opponent wasn't lying on the ground, bleeding to death from a self inflicted wound. 

You know, if you had asked me in November what the direct future held, I would have said that the Democrats were on the verge of committing mass suicide, the party would die and a new Progressive party would take its place-- but only after the Republican party pretty much destroyed the planet.  Imagine my surprise to see that the GOP has recently signed their death certificate.

Actually, not so surprised.  In the back of my mind, the part of me that is most in tune with Ordarnis kept asking me what the rules of the universe are.  And I would reply "Good is dumb and evil only loses because of its overconfidence." 

Looking at this whole thing now, it's like something right out of a sci-fi or fantasy story.  Benevolent king-- well meaning but overall a wet noodle (sorry Obama)-- is verbally assaulted to the point of ineffectiveness by the greedy and ruthless advisors.  And they're in the perfect position to take over the kingdom completely.  Citizens United was big for the GOP.  So big that the GOP dominated in the 2012 election.  The democrats were all but dead.  The king was on his knees, capitulating to their every demand.  Victory was certain.  All the GOP had to do was wait.

But they didn't wait.  Instead they burned down the farm and murdered the aunt and uncle of a young farm boy put forth a bill stripping unions of their rights.  They didn't wake a sleeping giant, they shattered the ideal world of a naive farm boy.  And now he's angry.  Now his eyes have been opened to the injustice in the world.  Now he knows that it's his destiny to join the good fight and do battle against the GOP Evil Overlord GOP. 

If the world has taught us anything, it's that the farm boy always wins. 

That's why I'm so full of hope after the GOP in Wisconsin held their dark of night vote to strip union rights last night.  When they presented the bill, they burned the farm and murdered the farm boy's aunt and uncle.  That got us mad.  That started us on the path of the Hero's Journey.  Last night, they axed the mentor.  Everyone knows that the hero gains a huge, decisive victory right after the mentor is killed.

This is it, folks.  I know a lot of us have been fighting for a long time-- against the war on women's health, against the tax breaks for the uber rich, against hatred and the racism the GOP has spewing.  And it's been a long hard fight and we're tired and not even sure if we can win anymore.  But we can.  Because Unions are our farm boy.  And we need to throw all our support.  Because they are the chosen one(s)!  They will bring us victory.

Also, as someone who has spent a lot of time studying the antics of villainy (If you're going to write a story about an Evil Overlord who wins, you have to know why all the others lost), I have to pose this question to the GOP: Do you even want to win?  I mean really.  The way you were going about it before-- I didn't like it, but at least I could be impressed.  You were sneaky bastards and the way you managed to make the entire country believe everything was the Democrat's fault even when it was all your fault- brilliant.  But this-- bills to strip unions of their rights, bills to strip away the entire democratic process (see Michigan), bills to strip away women's rights and your blatant support (almost worship) of the wealthiest of the wealthy?  You can't be any more obvious about your evil ways.  And no, you're long past the need for t-shirts, evil cackling or armies of Fox News Broadcasters mutant monsters.  Compared to what's going on right now, that stuff is subtle.  And the first rule of being a successful Evil Overlord is be subtle.  If you're loud and obnoxious it, farm boys will come and kill you (see above).

Personally I am waiting for the GOP to scream "YOU CANNOT DEFEAT ME!  I AM INVINCIBLE" so I can watch #24 work its magic.

Min-Ne-So-Ta Hats off to Thee!

Today on 'Why are the Republicans Wasting my Time?' we turn to my home state of Minnesota. Like every other state in this country, MN has joined several other states in jumping on the Abortion Bandwagon initially started by the controversial HR 3 (No Taxpayer Funded Abortion) and HR358 (Protect Life Act). So far into the session, the GOP has introduced 3 anti-abortion bills-- specifically targeting state funding for abortion. Normally this wouldn't be that big of a time waster, as the MN legislature had held a democratic majority for the previous 20 years. But that all changed in the election that killed puppies and the GOP gain a 55% majority in both houses. The good news is that we have our first democratic governor in 20 years, so... (look, this is the state that sent both Al Franken and Michelle Bachmann to DC and had Jesse Venture as a governor-- we do this).

So, a bit more of a time waster because in all likelihood the GOP will go through all this trouble to get the law passed only to have Dayton veto it. And, unfortunately, in all likelihood the GOP will go through the trouble to try and overturn the veto. They have about a 55% majority in both houses. They could potentially do it.

And then the Minnesota Supreme Court would overturn the law so fast it would make their heads spin.

Because guess what? In 1995 the Minnesota Supreme Court ruled that state healthcare programs must cover reproductive procedures, including abortions (Doe vs. Gomez). No limits, no timeline, no bans except for the three exceptions, no bans including the three exceptions, no nothing. In Minnesota, if you are covered by state healthcare, you have the constitutional right to an abortion. And while yes, the MN Supreme Court is more conservative now than it was in 95, precedent in the legal system goes a lot farther than a judge's bias. I don't think Doe vs. Gomez has any chance of being struck down.

Which makes this a huge waste of time for the MN legislature when they promised that no social converative issues would be tackled until the jobs thing was taken care of. Uh-huh.

So maybe the GOP should be looking into changing the MN constitution. Of course, then they would have to admit that they're actually not doing anything about jobs and I can't imagine that going over too well.

So, I suppose I Owe Thanks...

Erm, thank you Conservatives... I guess. I mean, you did what I asked and came right out and admitted that your pro-life stance has nothing to do with life and everything to do with restricting women. That's what this is, right? I mean, a bill that allows hospitals and healthcare providers to deny abortions and/or transfers to a hospital that does to women who are going to die without one... how much more obvious can you get, guys? There's absolutely nothing pro-life* about this bill. It's completely anti-women. What's next? T-Shirts that say 'Let the bitches die'?

So, thank you, Conservatives. For calling your little culture war what it is. Maybe now we can actually have a conversation about why all of you are out of your fucking minds.

~Storyteller Knight.

* Unless-- wait... Conservatives? You are aware that if the mother dies, the fetus is dead too, right? I mean, the above assumes that you're completely aware of this. But if you're not, um, yeah. The fetus needs mom’s body doing all the work to break down nutrients and feed it. It’s not going to be able to cannibalize mom’s body and keep growing/survive if mom dies. They’re both dead and your ‘Protect Life Act’ has just killed two. Or one, depending on how you look at it.